For the past few months I asked myself just that.
Love is powerful. It has the power to transcend our personal goals and dreams. Often at great cost. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, with one hell of a payout. It can make you devote everything comprises you to whomever is the object of your affection.
Love is painful. That moment when you realize that all that devotion and dedication isn’t returned. It’s crushing. It makes you prefer getting shot in the heart, because maybe then the pain would pass more quickly. Because you don’t have to go another day with this burden of what went wrong, what else you could have done, and just maybe it could still work somehow.
Love is like trying to make a snowball with powdery snow. Nintey five percent of the time it will just fall like cold white sand between the fingers of your gloves. Well, what if I didn’t use gloves? Now your hands hurt from the cold.
When I was younger, back when I played games like Ultima Online, the days of AIM, ICQ and 56k, I used to spend countless nights chatting with my online friends at the time about life, love, everything under the moon. I was idealistic, and to a small degree, still am. It was back then I realized that there was no ‘The one,’ but many ‘ones.’ It’s a matter of where you are in life. Unless you’re lucky, as I said before, this one isn’t the one.
But love is also fickle. It can go so very fast. When that happens, it gets replaced with something. Something empty. Something black. Attachment.
Attachment happens when the love is gone, but you’re still in love with the idea of someone. Something that they’re not, and something you’re not. You find yourself just saying the words and doing the actions. And even before next breath saying and doing the complete opposite. Attachment leads to insecurity, jealousy, and sometimes infidelity. Attachment blinds us. When we don’t want to accept the things that we know we should walk away from. It makes a 6 month relationship last for years. It creates broken marriages and homes. When the love is gone, only pain remains. Don’t get me wrong, you can still have your good days, but they’re only that. Good days. Not good lives.
What hurts the most from love is how we judge ourselves. Because we don’t want to give up on that idea of this person, that we devoted so much time and energy towards, wasn’t right for us. Love isn’t proud. So why are we so stuck on pride? That 6 months turns into a year, half of it filled with doubt. But hey, it’s getting better, right? Two years pass. Oh shit. It’s real now. Families are involved. Friends. Places. Now we’re committed. Despite how unhappy we are, we still do stupid things like consider marriage, because maybe that’ll fix it.
It never does.
Love is amazing. It can make everything not matter. It can make this massive world we live on tiny. It makes us feel alive. Because love, at the end of the day (or morning, if that’s your thing..), creates life. Happiness. That feeling of seeing someone you love walk into your view. Seeing their eyes searching yours. Love inspires art, music, novels, movies. Love is pretty fucking epic. If you’re lucky.
I can’t wait until I’m the lucky one.
